First off, I want to give a HUGE shout out to Lizzy with Miss E. Studios for coming to my home and capturing these moments for us. She’s given us a wonderful gift of her time and talent and I am so grateful!
This week has been full of SO many emotions. Anxiety, fear, shame about losing my hair, low-self esteem, feeling ugly, but mostly Embarrassment. I can’t not even put into words how it felt to bare my shedding head to my own husband and mother – who are such loving and amazing people that I know they would never think I was any of my own worst thoughts. But it brought tears to my eyes to see the tears in my mother’s eyes as I could see how sorry she was for me that I had to go through this. And my eyes well up just remembering this whole weekend.
It’s taken me some time to process being bald, and to process all the emotions I felt during this situation. Only a handful of people had seen my bald head before today. I wasn’t even ready to show most of my family! Before today, 6 people have seen my bald head – My husband & son, my mom, the photographer, and two other family members. It has just been THAT hard. I’ve felt incredibly vulnerable this week – just tender spirit and heart.
I saw something that said, “90% of women say that hair loss is the worst side effect of chemotherapy” – I am not really sure that this statistics is accurate, but for me so far I would say it probably is. It’s certainly been one of the most emotionally painful – and was fairly physically painful as well (tender hair follicles!). My friend told me several weeks ago, “I’m so glad you are so positive right now, because when your hair starts falling out, it’s going to be one of the hardest things you’ve ever experienced.” She was right. Because it’s hard to hear “you’re beautiful” when you just really don’t feel beautiful.
About how I felt having to show ANYONE my patchy head:
Buzzing the sides and the back wasn’t painful but it did tickle and feel pretty weird.
The top was the most sensitive of the hair follicles.
Had to have a few light-hearted moments despite the other feelings in these moments.
I’m glad to have a seasoned shaver in the family who knows little tricks, such as, it’s best to let the follicles soak for a minute with warm water before shaving. Shave with the grain first, then against the grain on the second pass.
Yeah dude, about my same thoughts on this.
Grateful to have such a loving and supportive husband through all of this. We get to share experiences I never thought we would. But he takes them all in stride. Thanks baby for being such a rock for me.
How am I feeling about my hair now? I don’t really miss it. It’s weird for sure. But I don’t have to spend time on my hair everyday so that’s plus. The first few days were definitely an adjustment – mostly because my head was FREEZING. I was wearing TWO beanies for the first few days while my head got used to the coldness. I think it’s starting to acclimate and I can now go without my beanies for parts of the day. And today I actually decided to do my makeup and just ROCK IT on our family date.